Hello all!
Will I ever get better at posting more often?
Probably not.
Between 2 jobs, a boyfriend, and all the Netflix shows I need to catch up on, I've been pretty busy.
I thought I would share a few pictures from the last few months with you.
My parents went to Europe and brought back some Parisian Macarons.
They were heavenly!
They also brought back some...
|
|
|
|
V
...Some Rose´!
I'm trying to get artistic with these photos, but really they're just Instagram filters...
My honey and I plane watching at Point Woronzof in AK.
Probably the best picture I ever have taken or will take.
At the Wildlife Conservation.
The little bear behind us.
Our most recent trip to Seward.
We went to the Sea Life Center and walked along the water.
It was about 80ยบ and we got a little burnt too.
Hunter and I have been trying to maximize the Summer weather and long hours of daylight.
I work 2 retail jobs and he works nights so the time we do have together is precious.
We love to go on drives and adventures and see places we've never been to before.
One such trip/drive we found this little guy.
Alaska is amazing.
Our most recent adventure, fishing on the Kenai.
As our 1 year anniversary is approaching in a little over 1 week, I can't help but think about all the amazing adventures ahead!
Here are some more awesome pics from my hiking adventures!
Our friend that we met at the top took this amazing panorama of us.
Victory!
It was muddy and steep and I was hanging on for dear life!
Over It October is on day 2 and going strong...or at least trying to.
Throughout the day, I try to focus on the positives in my life and dive into work, exercise, hobbies...anything to take my mind off the hurt.
If you don't know what I'm referring to, read my previous post here.
Today, I had a fantastic day at work, rented a funny, girl-power movie {The Other Woman}, and attended yoga class with my favorite instructor.
I'm really trying to get more into yoga.
I used to hate it, thinking it was too slow for my upbeat workout taste; however, I leave class feeling amazing and my muscles are always pretty sore the next day!
Have you ever reached that point where dating just isn't fun for you anymore?
Seem to be stuck in a cycle of dating for a few weeks only to be let down or realize the guy is a giant jerk?
That's where I'm at now.
And I'm over it!
That's why I've declared this month to be Over It October!!
I decided to lay off the dating for this month and focus solely on me.
What I want.
What I need.
What I don't want.
Basically just taking a breather and remember what dating should be all about anyway...fun!
It shouldn't be a constant burden or stressor.
If it is, that's probably a good indicator that the relationship isn't right for you.
It's not always the guys fault.
My last two relationships {I use that term very loosely with these guys} had some major red flags.
I ignored them because, mostly, I just wanted to have someone to go out with and have fun.
I understand that sounds a bit pathetic and have even had people tell me that is a stupid reason to go out with a guy.
Maybe so, but the truth is, I'm lonely.
If I have the option of going out with a guy for a night vs staying at home for the 3rd Saturday night in a row...I'm mostly likely choosing the guy even if I know the fun feeling won't last longer than a night.
I finally broke down this weekend and decided I needed a change.
The revolving door of newness and excitement and rejection is just too much for me right now.
I get too invested and take it too personally when it doesn't work out.
Sometimes the timing isn't right.
Sometimes the guy is just a jerk.
But the whole point of all of this is that October will be my month.
I have decided to do something that makes me happy everyday.
I already have two friends on board, one in VA and one in Chicago! :)
Today, my coworker/friend, Greta, and I went on a wonderful hike!
At the top, we met Joe.
It was his 40th birthday and he brought a beer with him.
He shared with us and we made a new friend!
The gorgeous panoramic view.
Seriously, how can you look at this view and not be happy!
Alaskan sunsets.
Nothing like it!
As I reflect back on the past several months that have let me to this place, I am grateful for the experiences, but my heart and my head need to relax a little.
I am, instead, going to focus on finding happiness and comfort in all of the wonderful things I have in my life.
Hopefully this month brings me some peace as well.
I've already talked a little bit about how crazy it was with family and work and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon.
What I failed to mention was I have been dating a lot more lately.
I sometimes don't want to get too personal with my love life on the blog because it would be so easy for a guy I'm seeing to look it up and read everything I'm thinking about him.
That being said, some dates are just TOO good to not write about.
For my first story, I've decided to go with a recent date.
This guy seemed pretty funny and nice over text.
He was cute and had a good job {which he constantly talked about - i.e. making tons of money and how he was super high up in the company...blah blah blah}.
I agreed to meet him one night for a drink.
I became increasingly unsettled about it when he started texting me things like, "oh my gosh I'm SOOO excited to meet you! We are going to have so much fun!!"
Dude. Chill.
We met and he seemed alright though.
We went into the bar and ordered our drinks.
I had a beer and he had some fruity shot.
Even the bartender gave him the beer before I said, "Oh no, he had the girly drink, I had the beer."
That gave the bartender quite a laugh.
The next hour or so I had to endure this 24 year old telling me about his 8 cars, how he went to boarding school in London {and he pulled out the most fake British accent I've ever heard}, he said he went to MIT, how rich he was, his experience dating a celebrity in LA, "accidentally" showing me a dick pic on his phone, and basically just making an ass of himself.
So, after his 5th girly shot, he was definitely feeling good and thought it was an appropriate time to put his hand on my leg.
At this point I said I had to get up early and needed to get to bed.
He asked me if he could walk me to my car.
I just expected him to be a gentleman and give me a hug or kiss me on the cheek.
Nope.
I go in for a hug and he just plants one on me.
He told me, "I get what I want and I see myself with you."
Not only is that super annoying, it's creepy.
I've been dodging him the best I can, but gosh, kid is persistent.
The absolute BEST part of this whole thing is, when I got home I googled him.
If you read my last post, I'm sure you are on pins and needles waiting to hear about Mr. Online.
Well, I'm not really sure what happened, to be honest.
One day things were fine, the next, I stopped hearing from him.
A week went by and I decided to text him.
No response. Nothing. Complete radio silence.
Of course, those crazy girl thoughts ran through my mind...
"Maybe he lost his phone..."
"Maybe I did something wrong..."
"Maybe he went out hunting and got attacked by a bear and has amnesia and can't remember me!!..."
Yeah, I'm weird.
Obviously, it was none of these.
I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks {after nearly 2 months of talking everyday}.
I think the thing that sucks the most is not having closure.
Not knowing what happened.
Of course, I can just assume he wasn't interested and was too much of a coward to tell me, but it's crazy how things can change so quickly.
The last time we talked he said he wanted to go out again and mentioned future dates.
So, lots of confusion.
The other night I was so close to calling him.
Instead, I did the adult thing and googled "What to do when a guy stops texting you."
Yes, seriously.
I actually read some really great advice.
A counselor said that when you text someone wanting "closure" you're really hoping to clear up some miscommunication, wanting to restart the relationship, basically not wanting to let go.
I'm very self aware and hate the thought of seeming desperate or pathetic towards a man.
The article goes on to say that not having closure can help you deal with anxiety or uncertainty in the future.
I thought that was really interesting.
Sometimes we won't get answers or the perfect ending we were hoping for.
And that can be a good thing!
Because I have a degree in psychology, I find it interesting when I experience things that I actually learned.
For instance, the stages of grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
At first, I was in total denial.
I was certain he would contact me with some great excuse as to why he couldn't get ahold of me before.
After a week, and him ignoring my inquiring text, I got angry!
Oh boy, was I angry with him.
A few days later I skipped over bargaining and headed straight for depression.
I realize 2 months isn't very long, but a loss is a loss and it still hurts.
I wouldn't say I was clinically depressed by any means.
More so, I was sad and lonely and upset.
I allowed myself to wallow and eat some junk food that I hadn't been eating for a while.
And you know what?
It didn't help.
I just felt sad and sick.
I quickly realized that it's not ok to let someone who does so little for me, control so much of my mind, feelings, and emotions. {I read that quote on "muffintopless" Instagram and died a million times at how profound I thought it was! haha}.
No reason to throw my life off balance for a little boy who had such little regard for my feelings and couldn't be bothered to even so much as send a text letting me know he wasn't interested.
Now, I am in the acceptance stage.
For whatever reason, he was a part of my life for a short time and there is something to be learned and gained from the experience.
Life happens...which is also a song I love and have been listening to a lot lately.
"Life happens and most of it's out of your hands so why don't you get up and dance"
Now, instead of wondering what happened, I try to remind myself he just wasn't prepared to handle all of my fabulousness!
It still stinks going from the excitement of a new relationship to being alone again.
However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I'd rather be with someone who cares about me and respects me enough to communicate with me and not just fit me in when it's convenient for him.
This is how we weed out the boys from the men and I'll be damned if I don't hold out for a real man after all this time!
In the meantime, I am gearing up for my bow hunting class and making moves forward at work.
I'll fill you in on that a little bit more soon!
I have a feeling exciting things are on the horizon!
Well, since my first date post went well, I thought I'd share my second one with you!
For a little while I wasn't sure there would be a second date.
There was a little bit of drama {mostly because of me and mostly in my head}, but it did force us to have the awkward "do you want to get to know me better" conversation.
That might be a thing I just made up, but I'm pretty sure you understand what I mean.
Sometimes I feel like boys are just clueless.
Then I remember that guys think girls are crazy.
I guess what it comes down to is we're just different.
I'll be completely honest, dating - especially online dating - is new to me.
You don't want to let the other person know you like them too soon, but you don't want to get stuck in the friend zone either.
There's that fear that he may decide I'm not good enough, pretty enough, outdoorsy enough {this guy loves the outdoors!}.
That's a really unhealthy worry to have and I'm working on it.
I keep reminding myself that dating should be fun, that I AM awesome and it's his loss if he decides to not pursue this further.
Anyway, about date numero dos...
This time we decided to meet for dinner.
I was less nervous than the first date, but still had some butterflies.
At the hockey game, we didn't exactly have to keep conversation flowing.
At dinner, you definitely have to be talking or it's super awkward.
Luckily there wasn't any of that.
Our waitress was this hilarious, tiny, Japanese woman who was so adorable!
Maybe she knew it was the beginning stages of a relationship because the first thing she said when she came to bring us our water was, "Ooooh hello gorgeous, you are just so pretty! Isn't she beautiful!?"
I think I turned 10 shades of red, but it made me feel really relaxed and laugh right off the bat.
As we were leaving {at 10pm} she says, "Where are you heading now?
I said, "Oh, I'm just going home."
She replied, "No, no! The night is still young. You should hang out longer!!"
Seriously, is this woman a matchmaker or what?
I loved her and we definitely need to go back to see her.
Anyway, I loved learning new things about him on this date.
We have been talking about 6 1/2 weeks, but since this is only the second time we've gone out, and really the first time we've gotten to talk much face to face, it was really nice to talk a little bit deeper.
Afterwards we talked outside for a few minutes and hopefully we'll be getting together next week too.
I gave him a hug and accidentally stepped on his foot, because I'm clumsy and awkward like that...but I think he finds it endearing, or at least I hope. haha
So, things are going well and hopefully moving in the right direction.
It feels strange to be telling all of you about my love life, but I think only about 10 or so people really read this so I'll be fine. haha
Just wanted to give you an update, especially you Erin! :)
Thanks for joining me on this crazy adventure!
As promised, I've decided to share with you my online dating adventures.
So, let's jump in with my first ever online dating first date!
I went out Friday night with a guy I'd been talking to for 1 month.
Now, I realize 1 month seems like a long time to talk before going out, but it was refreshing in contrast with all the guys who ask me out in the first message...no thanks.
So, he finally asks me out and I basically have to tell him I want him to ask for my number.
In my head I was thinking how it's kind of cute that he is a old fashioned, taking his time, and not super forward with me.
We decided to meet up at a hockey game since we both really love it.
I was excited!
It felt like a good first date venue.
If conversation didn't flow it would be less awkward since the arena was loud and we could just watch the game.
Of course, I had the typical pre-date ritual of sending some of my friends a picture of what I planned on wearing, talked about how nervous/excited I was, and forgot to eat dinner, only realizing on the way to the game that I was starving.
As I was parking, he texted me that he was there.
After trying to find him at 2 different doors, and looking like an idiot, I finally spotted him.
I don't remember feeling nervous at this point, actually I was quite excited.
I was relieved that he was just as cute in person as he was in his pictures.
There was that initial awkwardness, but I navigated it with my usual bubbly, ridiculous self.
The next few hours were so fun and the game was awesome!
There were times when we sat and watched without much talking, but for the most part we were able to carry on steady conversation and have fun.
Walking to our cars after, I got a little nervous.
Did he have fun?
Will he want to see me again?
When we got to my car and said our goodbyes I was certain I had just been friend zoned.
But then he told me he'd like to hang out again.
Later that night I was in constant battle with whether or not I should text him to let him know I had fun.
I finally decided to go to bed and see how I felt in the morning.
Well, the next morning he actually texted me!
He said he had a really good time, which I will take as a good sign.
We've been texting back and forth since then.
I'm trying to balance the whole playing hard to getthing while at the same time reassuring him that I am indeed interested.
I think women have a tendency to obsesses, agonize, and analyze every little thing...I know it's not just me, right?!
There's also that irrational fear that if I don't text him he'll forget about me.
But I've just been reminding myself that guys like a little mystery, they like to work hard for something.
I'm trying to not get ahead of myself and get too excited.
Even my co-worker told me I was playing it really cool and not acting super giddy about it.
On the outside I'm all like:
But on the inside:
It was a great time and I hope we go out again, but if not, then at least it wasn't an awful online dating story that I know so many have!
Until next time...
XO Linds
Update: As I was finishing up this post, he texted me. So, maybe I am doing something right. ;)
